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What does King Kong, Neo from the Matrix, and the Geiko Gecko have to do with why you’re still single?
Almost sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, right?
Well in a way, it kind of is a bad joke.
The joke is, while we say we want one thing (in this case a lasting love relationship) — our minds are busy manifesting something else.
Specifically, it’s manifesting what we DON’T want.
Humans Have Not One, But Three Brains
Have you ever heard of the Triune Brain theory?
In short, some very smart people who study these types of things, determined that our brains are actually THREE brains in one. These three brains were “molded” together over millions of years of evolution to form what we know today as, the human brain.
(SIDE NOTE: I’ll purposely minimize using too many $100 words to explain this scientific concept. If you’re insatiable about knowledge like me and want to learn more about the Triune Brain, Google is right over there —>)
Now the first and oldest brain is the Reptilian complex, or the “lizard brain”. It’s primary function is survival. Survival of the human. So that’s where we get our most primal drives to dominate, fight, and run (and apparently save 15% on car insurance).
This brain gets triggered a lot in intimate relationships, as you may have experienced.
The second oldest brain is the Paleomammalian complex, or simply put the “mammalian brain”. Mammals, you know? This brain is focused on feeding, fucking, and family.
Hey wait, that sounds like me!
The best place to see this (brain) in action is to watch documentaries about apes, or go on Facebook. You’ll see it.
The most recent brain to develop is the Neomammalian complex, or “higher human brain”. This brain is focused on language, conceptual thinking, and our perception (i.e., the Matrix).
In fact, the character Neo was named that because of this purpose of the neocortex. In the movie, Neo even worked for the fictional software company called “Meta Cortex”, just in case you didn’t catch the metaphor the first time.
Anyway, what does this all have to do with why you’re still single???
Well, those three brains are active 24/7/365 — whether we like it or not. So, if we’re not careful with what we put in our minds, they will produce outcomes we don’t desire.
Let’s start with Mr Gecko, our lizard brain. How is our lizard brain keeping us single?
Our Lizard Brain
Primarily, it’s our lizard brain’s focus on pain and FEAR, and fear of more pain that’s keeping us single. So that’s where our childhood baggage comes in.
- Have you ever been betrayed or cheated on by your mate? That too.
- Concerned about being vulnerable and getting hurt again? Yep.
- Don’t trust men because they’ve lied to you before? Yes ma’am.
- Scared of losing love after you finally find it?
See, all of these disempowering thoughts are coming from our lizard brain.
The fastest and easiest way to counteract the lizard, is one, just exercise forgiveness for the past. Forgive your parents. Forgive your ex. Forgive yourself. Forgive the rest of the world.
And by the way (this is an important point), forgiveness is not about letting the perpetrator “off the hook”. We forgive to free ourselves from the pain, agony, and mind control that the emotional trauma caused us. So even if you’re not feeling all spiritual today, do it for your ego.
Another fast way to beat the lizard, is to extract valuable lessons from past pain.
If you create an empowering meaning for the pain you’ve already gone through, that’s the closest thing to time travel and alchemy us humans can expect to experience! Give each “failed” relationship from your past a meaning and a moral, then live your life accordingly.
The key to creating meaning is to make it empowering. In fact, think of the word EXPANSION. If the meaning you give your past pain makes you bigger, than go with it. If the meaning you come up with makes you feel “contracted” or squeezed, then that’s not the right reason.
Example, a woman was badly hurt by her cheating husband who lied to her for years. The marriage was over, and she was single and looking to date again. She had a choice of two meanings for that failed marriage.
“Don’t trust men because they lie” was the first one. This is the easy, “fast food” way to think.
The second meaning was, “develop deeper intimacy and truth in your relationships”.
You tell me which meaning serves to expand and grow you into a bigger person and which shrinks you into a small, bitter, person? Same situation, much different life outcomes.
Ok, let’s talk about Neo now. I’ll come back to Kong.
Neo Has The Power, But Needs Direction
Neo is keeping us single because that’s were we come up with the insane idea that there’s something wrong, unethical, or unacceptable about our true desires. This in turn, creates internal confusion and conflict. In fact, it’s literally the Matrix we live in that gave us that absurd idea.
As long as your desires don’t infringe on the human rights of others, they are divine (see New Rule #2) and should be expressed as often as possible until they’re realized.
So yes, Ms Independent, I’m talking to you. It’s OK to admit that you want a man of means to provide for you, or afford you a better lifestyle. It’s OK to pass on that promotion at work and have more babies. It’s OK to admit that you actually want a man! *gasp*
It’s ok Miss Morals (I see you in the back) to admit that you want a passionate man who’s an excellent lover. Of course character matters, and so does orgasms.
You see, when we don’t admit our true desires to ourselves, we end up living out of our “shadow”. Then we go around and complain every time we see the very thing we truly desire in the world and wag our finger at it. “Bad! Bad! Wrong! Wrong!”
Meanwhile, no matter how successful we become, there’s always this nagging feeling of dissatisfaction and restlessness. From there we are only a step or two away from picking up an addiction to a bad habit, just to deal with the unease.
So to defeat Neo (or more appropriately, get him back on Team Love, our Team Love), we must have crystal clear clarity of what we truly desire. Write it in your journal. Share it with friends. Share it with the world. Damn the haters and judgers. They’re just mad because they don’t have the courage to do what they see you doing.
So say what you want without shame or guilt, and then think about it all the time.
Now we’re cooking with grease!
Lastly, we’re going to talk about King Kong who represents the mammalian brain.
King Kong Ain’t Got Sh*T On Me!
Even after we get our lizard brain away from focusing on pain and fear and onto pleasure. Then get our higher human Neocortex crystal clear instead of confused – we still have one problem. Our mammalian brain tells us we don’t deserve what we want.
We are not worthy. Apparently other people are worthy, just not us.
Again, this is complete bullshit. Another soul-sucking belief brought to you by Madison Ave and all the advertisements you’ve seen in your lifetime that were designed to make you feel less than, so you could fill your void with their product.
Umm no. Just no.
You are worthy. You are divine. I don’t care if you’re 50 pounds overweight, have skin problems, and small boobs — you deserve love.
Specifically, you deserve the love YOU desire, as well as anything else in the world. So tell Kong he’s got it wrong, and we are all deserving of what we want. If you’re still not believing you deserve your desires, then you only have two choices.
One, is die a miserable death from an unfulfilled life. Or two, is just step your game up!
Be better. Do better. Have better. You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to do your BEST. It’s the fourth agreement (shout out to Don Miguel Ruiz!).
Just Win, Baby!
So that’s it, right? Easy enough.
Except! Before you can even finish reading this you’ve probably already had a negative thought or two pop in your head. And if you get on the internet or Facebook, you’ll have a few more.
Don’t watch the news! That’s a complete cesspool of negative juju just waiting for you.
So to counteract that (“The Program”), we have to go on an information diet.
- Skip the news – completely.
- Minimize the gossip sites.
- Trashy TV gets reduced too.
Then you replace that all that with consuming nutritious, life-affirming content daily (like this blog, duh!). Make the conscious effort to create your own “love media”, and set yourself up for automatic success!
Make these positive changes today. Not only will you attract a much higher quality mate, you’ll feel much more confident, powerful, and free in the meantime. Win-win.
I like win-wins.
Your next step…stay connected and stay committed to your greatness. If you’re not already on the Elevate Family email list, go on and click here to get on there ASAP! That way you don’t have to rely on your lizard, monkey, or even human brain to remember to focus on what you want.
I’ll gently remind you regularly until you get the habit. 😉