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You know sometimes the very source of our pain and stress in life, or inability to achieve success, is directly related to just not knowing one simple piece of information. One key bit of knowledge.
And for some people out there, they really don’t know what a relationship is. I know I didn’t. I literally just thought a relationship meant two people who spent time together, repeatedly. That’s part of it, that’s definitely part of it.
But there’s a reason why the word is “relationship”, and not “partnership” (which is another good word but that’s not what we’re talking about here we’re talking about relationship).
Etymology (History) Of The Word “Relationship”
So let me just ask you, what’s the root word of relationship?
Meaning the feeling of connecting with someone. To have common understanding. To share similar interests or beliefs. Maybe even laugh at the same joke. That is relating.
Now if we repeat this process, and we continue to feel that connected feeling with someone. We do it repeatedly over time. Eventually we start to feel re-la-tion to the person, we start to feel related.
And yeah, it kind of sounds like the family relation thing but it’s related. No pun intended, right?
So it’s “relating” until you feel “relation”. So relation is like the next level up. And then that process, the housing of that continual relating, and feeling relation, IS the relationship.
That’s what relationship means. It’s the ongoing process of relating and feeling related.
Our Fundamental Misunderstanding
So for anyone who says they hate relationships, or hate being in a relationship, they obviously don’t know what the word means.
Because it’s not the “relationship” that they hate, it’s the stuff that’s not relationship that they hate. The not listening, the fighting, the arguing, the not connecting, the not feeling related to.
It’s funny, it’s really not their fault. In general conversational language, we use the word “relationship” all the time, literally to mean two people who made a bad decision some time ago, and now they just take turns tearing each other down and blaming each other for their problems.
In that case, what many people call a relationship, really is just a Codependency of Convenience. That’s not what we want, and that is not what we’re talking about. So for now we’re going to talk about the true meaning of the word.
So relationship is made up of multiple experiences. Connecting with someone first, relating. Then connecting repeatedly until we feel rela-tion, closeness. And then that ongoing relation feeling is the relationship.
So when you look at it that way, everybody should love a Real Relationship. What most people hate, again is a Codependency of Convenience. The titles. The obligations. The lack of communication. The lack of connecting.
All this stuff wrapped up in a package saying, “were supposed to do this”, “because you’re my boyfriend”, “because you’re my girlfriend”, “because you’re my fiancé”, “because we been together for 6 months or 2 years”.
The only thing that matters is the relating and the relation-ship. No matter how long, no matter who it is.
With Awareness Comes Responsibility
So now that we know what the word really means, if you’re currently in a relationship that’s not up to par. A relationship that’s not meeting your needs…
You have to ask yourself, “have I been relating to my partner?”
“Would my partner feel like I’ve been relating to them?”
The chances are the answers are “no”, which means technically you’re not in a relationship (at this moment).
So if you want things to be better, just do it! Go on and connect with that person. Go on and connect with your partner.
Forget your Backlog of Baggage for now. And if you can’t do that, well then we have some more work to do.
How To Make Magic
But forget your Backlog of Baggage for now, spend 10 minutes of focused presence just connecting with your partner. 10 minutes.
No cell phones, no distractions, eye contact, presence. Physical, emotional, spiritual presence with your partner, and you literally can create a shift just that fast in your whole relationship.
You’d be surprised how many ongoing problems will disappear with just a little bit of connection.
Now rinse and repeat that process. Connecting with your mate. 10 minutes. Connect with your mate. 10 minutes.
And yeah, you’re going to get your’s, don’t worry about it. But if you repeat that process – guaranteed your relationship will be up to par and beyond in no time!
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